Fear has many reasons. Mine originates from the fact I have failed and made mistake(s) before.
Up to this point.
Anything I have done is to avoid to experience the same failures.
Six years ago.
I had an opportunity to start a company as a franchise of another business. I had no experience as a leader. As far as I can remember, only once. I had a title as a leader of people. I was in standard four.
It lasted for two hours. In this two hours, I was a class leader until the leader returned.
Now, here I was, in a position.
I didn’t feel qualified for.
I did everything required to qualify the business to be a franchise.
But the big business pulled out of the deal at the last minute. They told me it’s no longer profitable for them. Forced to choose between abandoning the business.
Or to proceed without support. At the time I thought it would be hard without support. I was wrong.
Without support it was impossible. But not for lack of trying.
I did try.
The deal was I will finance the business.
They will spearhead everything. My expectations were higher from the beginning. With experience which they did have. It means the capacity to do well increase.
But this was my first mistake.
Because what they would’ve done detected the results.
The business was prepared and ready to serve a lot of customers. Now as the big business was no longer in the picture. I was left with too big a business to support.
Now comes the second mistake.
The initial goal was to support a large customer base.
Now as the big business was no longer in the picture.
But I couldn’t make money fast enough. To support the cost of running this enormous business. Now the third, and I believe one of the worst mistakes I made.
As the business deteriorated and cost skyrocketed.
I took a big blow in my ego and my ability to do things well.
Because well they were not well.
The mistake was in what I did while receiving feedback. Especial comments on what the business was doing wrong. I took it as a direct attack on me personally.
A lot of damage happened during this period. I thought the worst was over, but well, I was in for a huge surprise.
I started noticing many things I never did notice before.
I started having pure outbursts of rage and resentment. My father loved the most had it the wost.
I had trouble sleeping. I had the hardest time to maintain my role as a leader.
Everything I knew about who I am up to this point was shaken to the core.
I didn’t know what to do.